Forget About the Camera
Wichita, Kansas, 1997
“You look really sexy when you stand like that.”
My feet were turned in and I had my hands on the outsides of my upper thighs, hiking up my baggy jeans so my ankles showed. I looked at the glass camera eye that Dave had pulled down from his face and continued to smile shyly, avoiding the eyes of the photographer.
After over a decade of ballet classes, my feet naturally turn out. But when I model, I usually turn them in. They look cuter that way. I am not shy, but sometimes I project that look for the camera. I like to believe I can create a mood or an idea with my face, my eyes. Maybe it just works for me because I get too personal with the act. Sometimes I think I project the way I want to be looked at, instead of the way I really am. Then, sometimes, I'll really just be being me, and you can tell when you look at the contact sheets. It shows in those little eyes of mine that keep repeating themselves on the photo paper.
A famous photographer named Bert Stern had a model named Dian Parkinson back in the seventies who personified his idea of “The American Dream Girl.” She once said, “Bert’s my mirror.” That’s the way I try to think of modeling: either look at the camera as though the person is not there, or look at the person as though the camera is not there.
This time, I suppose I was forgetting about the camera.
RIP Dave Turner
